What Toby Really Wants for Christmas

I stumbled upon this hilarious blog post earlier today and had to share on Facebook just because of how true it is.  You can see the original post here.  Here’s Toby’s spin on the wishlist (but I’m sure he would want everything on the original, as well):

Dear Santa,

My Mommy comes up with a wishlist for me each year, but let’s be honest, she doesn’t know what I really want.  Flash cards?  I will crumple them in about three minutes or as soon as she turns her back.  Plastic food?  Why is it plastic?  Please give me real food to play with!  Here are some other ideas for you:

1. The remote

More specifically the one with the touch screen that I know Mommy and Daddy do not want me to have.  They seem to be okay with me playing with the other remotes so why can’t I put my greasy little hands all over this one?  

2. The bathroom door to be taken off the hinges

I despise the bathroom door being shut more than anything else.  What are they doing in there?!  Why can’t I come in the tiny room, too?!  I’m not sure what this room’s purpose is for yet, other than it’s fun to open and close that white seat and rip the soft paper into tiny shreds.  I want in this room, and I want in NOW.  I demand the door be taken off, this will save everyone in our house many tears.

3. The Swiffer

I love swinging this thing all around the house!  The long stick makes great banging noises on the walls and Mommy says I’ve been pretty close to breaking a few picture frames, but I’m not sure why that’s bad.  Mommy’s not a fan of me playing with this, but I will throw the biggest tantrum ever if she puts it away.  Cue big crocodile tears NOW.  Please give me one of my own that I can access any time I wish.

4. A couch

I’ve been put in something called “Time-Out” a few times for running all over the couch and it’s not fun.  Don’t they get that I need something to climb on like in my gym class?  Mommy always says “this isn’t Gymboree, Toby!”, but I want it to be Gymboree ALL THE TIME.  I would like a couch in my room, please, as the spare bed in there just won’t do.

5. Ellie’s Whiskers

The gray kitty is not a fan of me, I guess, and she really doesn’t like when I try to touch the funny white things coming out of her cheeks.  I’d like a few of my own so I can actually touch them for more than just a second before she runs away.  I will keep them in a wipes box for safe keeping.

6. What Mommy Drinks in the Morning

She always tells me she’s making “coffee” but I have no idea what this is.  All I know is that it’s “HOT, NO TOUCH, HOT!”.  I would like to try this drink because milk is getting a little boring.  Please also provide me with some mugs of my own.

7. Fissssh

Also known as Goldfish Crackers.  I love Fissssh, please make sure my Mommy has plenty of snack packs in the cabinet at all times.  And tell her I don’t want to share anymore.

8. More lotion containers

I’d like a few new containers as I enjoy taking them out of the baskets my Mommy carefully organizes and placing them in random spots all over my room (and my parents’ room).  Bonus points if the tops are easy for me to take off on my own before Mommy realizes what I’m attempting to do.

9. Extra wipes boxes

You can never have too many of these!